health

In happy news, today I learned that KELA has not only approved my application for long term sickness benefit but granted it the maximum time (300 days)! I'm beside myself!

Getting the maximum is very rare in general and particularly in the first go, I was expecting maybe 2-3 months and then having to re-apply... if granted at all in the first place. It must be the KELA rehabilitation I partook last year, and I wonder if the fact that I used AI to make my application clearer and to "speak KELA's language", maybe that helped too? I mean, this is the 3rd or 4th time since 2021 that I've applied, and earlier ones were all denied. But this time I had the KELA rehabiliation summary to bolster my application, even though in reality my situation hasn't changed since 2021 so on that basis, it's interesting that it wasn't granted earlier and now was.

This reduces my general medical stress and particularly the bureaucratic stress caused by unemployment office, KELA toimeentulotuki and työmarkkinatuki by like 80% because I now I'm not on unemployment and its demands won't touch me for the duration. I'm feeling kinda odd  suddenly having those lifted from my back...

My latest AO3 site skin:

This is the first time I tried to make a mobile friendly version (that I call mobile add-on) too! The instructions on how use the add-on are included in the README.md.

I'm going in for a day surgery tomorrow in a hospital. The procedure itself should take about 15 minutes only but does involve anesthesia, so I'll have to stay in for observation afterward for a few hours. If all goes according to plan, I'll be back home in the evening. But if there are any complications, the hospital might take me in for the night or longer.

So any server problems etc. I'll look into starting Tuesday at the earliest.

EDIT on Monday: All is well! I got home around 7pm today. Mom picked me up from the hospital, spent about 3 hours with me at my place as required and I'm feeling well! About to turn in for the night now.

Spoke with the Doctor on the phone today, about my yearly Crohn's Disease routine follow-up. It was 1-2 months early this time; usually it's in January or February.

• all other labs are okay except:
• ferritin is low again and Tfr is elevated which means:
• I'm going to get an iron infusion!! 😃
• the bowel symptoms are as they have been since about February 2022, no change in the symptoms and the labs show no inflammation in the bowel so good on that front 😃 
• going forward, liver security blood labs will be taken every 4 months now (was 3 months before), and a year from now, another phone or in-person appointment with a wider panel of blood and stool labs taken prior
• Imurel medication continues as-is, Lopex continues as-needed
• and of course, if symptoms worsen, anything new bowel-y crops up etc. then call them about it

I'm so happy about the iron infusion ✨ I got one in February 2022 and then again in February/March 2023, but not this year and my iron levels have been worsening the entire year. I did feel better, and slept better after the iron infusions even though they didn't remove my tiredness/exhaustion, but did make it less worse.

Now I've been even more tired than usual again since about September, and the last 3 weeks, I sleep about 14-15 hours a day, most days. Also, I'm getting restless legs back again, which have been gone for about a decade.

In hopeful but weird news... it looks like energy drink may be of help with my background headache/migraine?? The one that I have on 24/7? I've been drinking one that has both taurine and caffeine in it 2,5dl every day for 2 weeks now, and my need to use Burana has almost halved and my head feels lighter and less achy? There's even been several days when the ache has been nearly gone for most of the day? Is this for real?!

I don't drink coffee (I don't like the taste and I don't like hot drinks) but in desperation I've tried coffee and caffeine tablets before with zero effects on headache or migraine, so I didn't think this would help. Just tried for the hell of it! Maybe it's the taurine? A lot of people in the migraine support group swear on energy drinks but say that it must have both taurine and caffeine or it won't work for them. Who knows! I'll keep on it, and the iron infusion will maybe help a little bit with too.

I'm so exited! Mom bought me a new laptop for my 50th birthday which will be in a month. It's a Lenovo ThinkBook 16 G6; we bought it online on Monday and it was ready for pickup yesterday afternoon in the store! I of course went immediately! 🥳😍

It's 16" and has 32GB of RAM, Ryzen 7 and 1TB hard drive with Windows 11 Pro. I got it all done installing Windows and Lenovo things yesterday and it laptop seems wonderful! I love the keyboard, how thin and light it is, how quiet it is and that it stays cool all the time so far. It also doesn't that much smaller than my old 17,3" one which I was worried about - I don't have a TV so I watch TV on my laptop and it needs to be bigger because of that, and larger also feels more comfortable to do work on my websites or whatever. 

I don't think I've ever owned a computer/laptop that didn't have problems when just bought - this time is no different. There's 3 problems:

1. The mouse pad doesn't react to clicking its "buttons" but moving the cursor and tapping works normally. I noticed from the settings that tapping with two fingers works to open a context menu (which is a new feature to me) but I'm unable to click a button and drag items or click and select (text) or click and scroll pages. I'm not sure whether this is a Windows 11 problem or a Lenovo problem.
2.  AMD error notice says that AMD software and AMD drivers are incompatible - I've googled a bit and might be some hybrid setting that needs to be on (or maybe off?). I just need to find where that hybrid setting is to try it. Otherwise it needs googling more.
3.  Colors seem very yellow (although some videos I've been watching in MPC-BE maybe don't but I'm not sure?). I've disabled all the "protect your eyes from blue light" settings I could find and that helped quite a bit, but there's still a definite yellow tint. I particularly notice it in Chrome. This might get solved/be able to solve if and when I can solve #2.

EDIT 1,5 hours later to add: #2 and #3 solved! All I had to do was to install newest version of AMD Adrenalin, and that solved the software + driver being unsuitable problem, and once AMD Adrenalin was working, there are settings there for screen colors which solved the yellow problem ❤️

EDIT October 3, 2024 - today single finger tapping twice and dragging to move and resize windows and scrolling the scrollbar is working and easy to make it happen! I couldn't get it to work yesterday - not sure if it was me or the mousepad. Either way I can now do everything by the mousepad like in my old laptops even though the pressing on the lower right corner to right-click still isn't working although I think it should be? Maybe this is actually Windows 11 feature and you're suppose to use tapping instead?? I don't know!

The mouse pad problem is only on the mouse pad - I tried my physical separate wireless USB mouse and it worked as it should!

I actually like quite a bit that two-finger tap opens context menu and I'm getting used to it), but it's cumbersome having to use the keyboard to select text because using shift + arrow buttons to do it are so slooooow. So I hope I can figure this one out quickly!

But I'm very excited and quite pleased (and a little frustrated because of the 3 problems) so far. This laptop seems like mine right away!

In other news, I of course had a migraine coming in since Monday evening 🙁 and it got active going towards night yesterday. Didn't get sleep really last night because of it, maybe 2 hours plus some resting until midday today. Now feeling better but my head is feels like it threatens to re-start, maybe.

Also, interestingly - I don't have that as much patience and energy for computer problems solving as I used to have. I have had my previous laptop for 10 years and whatever problems that one had, I solved them 10 years ago and haven't had real new features or new problems if drivers or anything since then. It used to be I'd be happy as a clam to spend hours/days/weeks troubleshooting some problem, but now I'm kinda wishing I could just bring over the Lenovo to someone who'd fixit for me! Unfortunately, I'm the most computer savvy person among my family and friends, so I'd have to pay for it.

I noticed this as well 3 years ago when Mom bought a new laptop and I set it up as I always do - I was happy to do it, luckily there wasn't real problems just one or two things took time to teach Mom to do, but I noticed I didn't feel like spending time to get real up close and personal with Windows 11  like I had with all the other operating systems I or we'd had had (Windows 95 all through to Windows 10 by then, Linux Ubuntu, Linux Mint). I myself have had Windows 10 until this Lenovo so Windows 11 was new to me and things seemed to harder to find than in previous versions. If I didn't have to, I didn't really want to explore it just for the hell of it. I just made everything work for Mom and her SO, and figured out and taught Mom the few things she needs to know to do herself. So I guess this is one of the downsides too of not being healthy: not having the mental wherewithal to do explore the same things as before even though I'm still interested.

But yes, I'm excited! I watched some HDR 4K h265 tv episodes and this Lenovo played them without problems! My old laptop can only play 1080p easily. I'm so happy to finally be able to play HDR 4K eps and movies 🥳

Oh, and the Lenovo was on sale - 200 euros off the regular price! So that was really good 🥳

So... we now think, after 4 years of avoiding it, one of our close family circle has finally had COVID-19! Namely my Mom.

Last weekend she had high-ish fever particularly in the evenings, along with tiredness and feeling off and no appetite, for three days. Then when she woke up early on the morning of the 4th day, she was ridiculously sweaty but the fever had broken and she was, and has been feeling normal ever since! She says the whole thing was weird - no sniffles, coughing, sore throat or anything like that. Just the fever, tiredness, no appetite and feeling off. One of her friends who had a diagnosed COVID-19 a few years ago, said hers was exactly like that too! So we're pretty sure we've had it in our close family circle now finally after many years. Mom's kind of surprised because she can't think of where she could have caught it. But anyway. We're just happy we got through it with just a scare at least this time *knock on wood*

Been meaning to write this up for a month and here it is finally...

My housing co-op is having a bathroom renovation done in all the apartments, and actual work on the bathroom of the first apartment began a month ago on Monday. They start on 3 new apartments every week (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday). My bathroom started on July 1t, and my bathroom/sauna/toilet has been out of commission since then and will be for another 2 weeks! Washing machine too because it's in the bathroom. Each bathroom is out of commission for 4 weeks if things go as planned, but if there are any surprise findings such as the humidity measurement shows humidity in the (concrete? whatever is underneath all the tiles etc.) then that might and will prolong the renovation. So far I haven't heard that there's been any surprises like that. I did hear that apparently the company doing the repairs has to fix some walls on the apartment side even though they haven't caused anything to them, because they are made of surface material (the one on top of the concrete) that cracks easily. We have heavy busses going by a few meters away every 7-10 minutes, so a lot of walls have cracked more or less. I heard this "the company has to fix the walls" on Tuesday, but nothing since. The plan as I heard then was to fix it all so that the wall and the bathroom are finished at the same time.

My housing co-op is doing this as an co-op project rather than individual home owner projects that may or may not get done. There's 5 buildings and all were built in 1997-1998. Just over half of the apartments have the original bathrooms still, with the others' owners have renovated since 1998 but even of those, the renovations are getting to be 10 years old and a few apartments the co-op had renovated because of water damage from the leaking ceiling (error made during the building so the apartment owners didn't have to pay the renovation). The original bathrooms are about at the end of life, so the we co-op owners decided to renovate all to get some discounts and ensure no bathroom water mishaps because things start to leak etc. simply because of age.

My building is the first one worked on, and Mondays-Tuesdays-Wednesdays of every week are rather awful as the noise is awful as bathrooms are dismantled with the help of drilling machines! The first week I'd been leaving every morning as soon as they started the drilling, and coming back after 3pm because they're supposed to end their work day at 3.30pm. But on the third day I gave in and bought Peltor earmuffs - just basic cheap ones that cost just under 30 euros and don't have any extra features such as radio, blutooth or microphone. Just simple earmuffs to make the noise less. I've used them so much and they actually work pretty well! They make even the worst drilling sound, the one that goes straight into my bones and nervous system, so much more muffled that i can stay at home. They cut out most of other sounds almost entirely. It's such a huge relief that I don't have to spend full days away, it was too hard and felt ill every day after coming back home and my head was so bad.

The renovation has been going on for 4 weeks now, 2 of which in my own bathroom, and I think I might actually have gotten used to the noise a little! I can't believe it fully, but my headache isn't nearly as bad anymore as it was the first week. It's almost normal! We have a toilet and a shower each for both men and women, so no need to live somewhere else for the duration if you can deal with noise. I was rather nervous about not having immediate access to my toilet because of my Crohn's but so far so good, no problems on that front. I do have to pee too often, like 10-16 times a day and I went to see a doctor about it yesterday. No UTI according to the labs (I've had UTI twice in 2014 and 2020 before so I thought it would be that now too!). More like I might accidentally have trained my bladder to empty too often while I was having sudden uncontrolled diarrhea due to Crohn's Disease for over 10 years. The doctor also thought the stress of the bathroom renovation and having to use the outside toilet with Crohn's Disease and chronic but mostly now controlled diarrhea might have contributed to this pee problem. Also I'm either in or very close to menopause and currently my periods are coming too often (like every 10-12 days after the previous ending) and all that means my hormones are haywire and that can have effect on the bladder and need to pee. I've got an appointment with a University Hospital gynecologist on the 22nd and the doctor said to tell them about the pee problem as well. Last night and today seems to be a little better pee-wise, though, fingers crossed it keeps heading on that track back to normal!

I also have an appointment with a University Hospital neurologist coming up in October, recommended by AKSE that I attended in April and May, to consult on what if anything further can be done for my headaches and migraines. AKSE also recommended physiotherapy and psychophysical physiotherapy and are coming up in the fall. I'll be making an application to KELA for the AKSE recommended medical rehabilitation in after the weekend - they should have my GP's medical certificate about her recommending me for it as well by then.

So lots of important things, and one huge thing going on, right now! My renovated bathroom should be finished and back into my use on July 26th! Can't wait. It's a hard time the whole renovation because of my migraine and even harder the 4 weeks my own bathroom is out of commission - what I get a great new bathroom at the end of the ordeal! And the dismantling of the last bathroom in my building will start on July 24, so after that it should be relatively quiet until mid-August when the building will be entirely finished if things go as planned!

Exciting things!

I think this is going to be long! My health update, rehab and thoughts about Mom's SO broken hip's treatment. Basically, two what-the-fucks and two mostly on the positive side!

*******Insomnia*******

I've been having a difficult start of the year. In early January everything was still normal (well, my normal - not good, but okay and I could deal with it for the most part). But the week starting with January 22, 2024 I've been feeling bad and uncomfortable so much! My sleep problems went back to insomnia - that week started with the 22nd, I slept only every other night. Then the night before Monday next and Tuesday, I didn't sleep at all either night. And of course it was just when I supposed to partake in a TE-toimisto mandated short job seeker's course - which meant I had to go get doctor's/nurses notes for Tuesday and Wednesday, after somehow managing to get through Monday course day with restlessness, migraine and terrible exhaustion.

Since then I've been able to sleep some most nights, with maybe one night a week with no sleep at all. The nurse I saw that "I need a note for TE-toimisto" Tuesday, referred me to a sleep nurse specialist because I have been having sleep problems and outright insomnia for a decade. I also got a medication to help me fall asleep, that usually does seem to help but sometimes doesn't work. I'm limited on the meds I can use because of the liver thing back in 2014. I've seen the sleep specialist nurse for three times now, and I'm working on changing my sleep patterns because they're all wrong. Basically, I've been sleeping whenever I managed to get to sleep - whether that's 11am in the morning or 8pm in the evening. I usually feel the best when I go to sleep between 8pm - 10pm and get up (after actually sleeping more or less the whole night) at 6am, and no later than 9am if I'm still too exhausted at 6am to stay up after taking my morning meds. Back before 2008, when I was healthy, I needed 9 hours of sleep to feel refreshed and for early mornings not be pure torture. So we're aiming for that 9 hours now again. Apparently too much sleep is also bad, and cause tiredness. I've been feeling like 12 hours of sleep after becoming ill is needed for me to feel even somewhat rested.

For more than a decade, the problem has been that sleep doesn't refresh me and both Crohn's Disease and chronic migraine and their meds and other meds I have to take can also cause exhaustion. And migraine attack often stop me from sleeping at night, or force me to sleep during the day after it's over because if I don't, the chance of the migraine attack renewing later in the same day is more likely than not. Also the chronic diarrhea caused by Crohn's Disease often stopped me from sleeping at night because I had to keep going to the toilet up to 10 times during the night sometimes. So keeping a regular sleeping pattern went out the window when my chronic migraine and Crohn's Disease were at the worst about 2008-2016. I had to get whatever sleep I could, when I could. I wasn't working when it all started, and if I had been, maybe it wouldn't have gotten so bad because the doctors would've had to had work harder on controlling my symptoms because the employer would complain about my absences and sick leaves. Although I'm not sure it would have helped because the first time bowel inflammation showed up in biopsies was when my 4th colonoscopy was done, 4 years after the start of the chronic diarrhea, and I finally received the Crohn's Disease diagnosis after 4 years. But anyway, the end result is that my sleep pattern is totally wrong, out of whack and that sleep hasn't been refreshing me since about 2010.

I have no idea what causes my current insomnia problems. I do have stress, but it's the same stress about health that I've been having since 2008 and health stress actually hadn't been as bad as it used to be for a couple of years now because my symptoms have been better! There's also the money stress, but I've been having that my whole adult life except for the bits I've had actual paying jobs. So most of my adult life I've been worried about money and making rent. One thing that is bad now is that Finland has a new far-right-wing government since last May and literally ALL of the plans are awful, as far as economics, education, civilization etc. etc. go. Their cuts will have huge effect on my finances and life starting January 1, 2025. But I've known about them since they first published the in the summer so why would insomnia suddenly now set in?? On the other hand, I do feel that as long as this far-right-wing government is in office, there is no hope for me personally, and that Finland is traveling backwards and completely in wrong directions on all possible fronts that have to do with economics, poverty, unemployment, disability, humanity, civilization and education. There is nothing positive in sight as far as the politics go, currently. Then there's the KELA stress though, because this year KELA has fucked up both January and February in a very beginner way they shouldn't make such errors (but the cutbacks that are required by our far-right-wing goverment and KELA banks on people not seeking rectification of errornous decisions!) and while January was rectified, I'm still waiting on the February decision, and if KELA fucks up March too, I won't be able to buy any meds myself this month (I'm running out on several) and probably will have to ask my Mom to help me buy them while I take the matter up further the chain.

Anyway, I've started working on the sleep pattern (since Friday) the way the sleep nurse said: limit the time spent in bed, and only be in bed for sleep and sex. So I'm trying to limit my med time to 9pm - 6am, no matter how much or little I've slept. And to not sleep after 10am or take naps during the day/in the afternoon because those affect falling asleep at night. Naps during the day aren't that much of a problem because once I started a B-vitamin supplement that has all the B-vitamins, assuming that I slept at least somewhat (like 4-5 hours) at night, I can stay up through the day without too much hardship. But when I didn't sleep at all, or only maybe 3 hours, or just dozed but felt like I was conscious the whole time, that's when it's hard. Sometimes impossible. But I'm going to try to make a damn hard try until the next time I see the sleep nurse in two weeks. I only fear that the chronic diarrhea or chronic migraine will force me to keep up at night because those are things, especially the migraine, that I can control only so far.

********Weird attacks************

For a while now I've been having these weird bouts of feeling awful: usually with a migraine attack or an almost one (but not always), more flatulence than normal (normal for me is none or so little I don't notice), freezing while feeling hot on the outside. I think these happen when my period is close (a week or less) to starting or the first day of it or so. Nexplanon was implanted in my arm last May, in hopes it would stop my periods entirely. It didn't, but it reduced to them to mostly spotting. But then the last, I don't know, 2-3 months? My period's have been coming more often - currently it's every two weeks. They last for 6-9 days usually currently. Usually very light bellyache. I still like these current periods better because of the spotting and the lesser bellyache - now I don't feel sick during bleeding like always before. But now I get these bouts of weirdness as described. Every week or every other week. Usually seems to help taking diarrhea prevention med and the one that should reduce flatulence (not as effective as the discontined med I had for that purpose before). I'm usualy also restless - might space around my apartment, or move back and forth in my chair. If I'm in bed, I turn every minute. No position is good position.

And then the freezing while hot thing - what with that?? The thing that comes to my mind first is menopause; I'm that age that it could be! But also a lot of chronic migraineurs tell of cold chills and hot flashes. My freezing hot chills get so bad I shake, but putting my arms under the covers feels too hot and pushing my leg out from under the covers feels freezing cold! Such fun!

One bout lasts anything from 2-6 hours. I think I'm slowly learning how to treat them - the trick seems to be to take enough the anti-diarrhea med, but not too much to cause constipation... the amount of anti-diarrhea med need during periods seems to be a lot bigger than when I'm not having my period. I'm not sure whether this is because my Crohn's Disease diarrhea and symptoms have actually lessened in the last couple of years (they have!), but the period then worsens them for a few days or a week, or is it all caused by migraine (stomach migraine?). I did notice before I got sick in 2008, that I had more bowel movements during my periods than at other times, so it could be just that. But the weird thing is that other than the usually worse-than-normal head pain during a bout, I have no pains. Flatulence and farts yes, stomach pain - nope. Always before, when Crohn's Disease cause these sorts of things, there were either mild or bad stomach cramps.

I had one of these fit during that Monday of January 29th of job seeking course I mentioned above, and I got through it by pacing in front of my laptop and shaking. It was just awful. It got that worse soon after the start, so I didn't think first anything that bad was coming in addition to the migraine I was having already. I got through the day somehow but wasn't truly able to concentrate on the matter at hand, although it distracted me too. But I'm having these often enough, that they'd cause absences if I were working. These fits are fucking frustrating. I'm so out of patience feeling that awful so often.

I had one fit yesterday (Saturday) starting around 4pm, and then another starting on last night around 3am. I still don't feel normal, but instead like it could start again. I've had a window open a lot today, to let in cold, fresh air because it seems to help.

This is again another time in a long line of health gets better -> some new symptom or illness pops up. So far this has happened every time my health has been stable, and in recent years, also better, for a while.

It's looking threateningly like I'll have to talk to my GP and my gastro doc about these fits if they keep interrupting my life so badly. Just to hopefully figure out whether its the conflation of all my major illnesses in one for a bit, or menopause, or stomach migraine or fucking what.

********Rehab******************

TE-toimisto (the unemployment office) suggested last year that if my long-time sick leave is denied (which it was), I'd apply for ammatillinen kuntoutusselvitys (AKSE) by KELA. This isn't actual rehabilition, but an programme where a patient or someone with problems with functionality in regards to work and studying can apply to. It's consists of max 10-11 days, involves a doctor, psychologist, physiotherapist and other professionals as needed to find out and evaluate a patient's possibilities and limits on physical, mental etc. functionality. The aim is to find a way forward towards work or study, but I think also if disability is the right status. But this being KELA, work or study is the preferred option no matter what. I'm very curious about it, and hope they and me can find a way out/forward for me from this limbo I'm in. I'm not going to get any better, so what there is now, is what's it's there going to be and any work or studying will have to work at my current level.

It's planned to take place in mid-April and I'm a little worried that my insomnia and those weird fits will ruin it. But I'm looking forward to it!

******Mom's SO's broken hip*****************

A little over a month ago my Mom's SO slipped and fell outside their home ate in the evening, and broke his hip. He was in the hospital for about a week and was then released home, and since then we've been so impressed with how well the health care organization is taking care of him! Every week a physiotherapist comes to their home to put him and his legs through the exercises to help his injured leg to heal and strengthen, and apparently this is going to go on for months! And a nurse also comes once a week, to also put him through usually other leg exercises with the same aim. On their first visit, the physio and the nurses also charted their home conditions - such as what helping tools they need (toilet helpers etc.), or a ramp to get in or out, whether they need home help, etc etc. Nurses have also charted his/their eating habits, and strongly recommend that Mom's SO should start drinking 1-2 bottles of nutrition shakes a day because he doesn't eat fruits and also doesn't get enough protein. He's just very stubborn so it's a work in progress with those shakes. The doctors are also doing all sorts of tests such Doppler ultrasound, X-rays, Alzheimer's/memory tests because he has stomach problems, dizziness and showed signs of memory issues in a narrower memory test and at some point they're also going to do something so he hopefully will get a better hearing device. They are really looking into all that now, and we are of course very glad! But Mom says she's so stressed because she isn't used to having so much going on. And the nurses etc. always call her to arrange appointments because he doesn't hear properly. And she has to drive now all the time and he's a terrible backseat driver. But at least she's used to driving because of her hobbies.

I'm so glad he's getting all this help, but a cynical part of me keeps thinking it only because the health org needs to make sure he can manage at home if at all possible. It's well known that there is a terrible lack of assisted living and care for old people, and old people homes (for people who aren't ill but can't take care of their home anymore) don't exist anymore. People are kept at home and then they fall/burn themselves/forget to eat because of weakness/dementia/Alzheimer's and get brought to emergency and are returned home and fall/burn themselves/forget to eat because of weakness/dementia/Alzheimer'sagain and taken to emergency and then home again. So I keep thinking they doing all this work just make sure he can manage at home so that he won't add pressure into the assisted living care. I'm sure the nurses and physios etc. do it all because they want to help him, not because politics of the politicians. But I keep thinking that's the reason for the hightened attention.

Although, I hadn't realized that a broken hip is so much worse than a planned hip replacement that both my Mom and he had had before. We are also sort of sour that when Mom's hip was replaced, and then re-operated on because it kept displacing, she was kept in the hospital a day or two and then sent home. The first time she saw the physio was several weeks later, had to go there herself and saw the only 3-4 times over several months. Basically, she was left on her on to make the exercises and to mend. Now as we are seeing how her SO's mending is, it's so much more effective with more attention and care.

My Mom's SO slipped week ago on the Monday night outside their home late in the evening, and broke his hip :-( It's been such an icy, slippery weather that's caused so many falls that they only got to operate on him two days later on Wednesday. He's still in the hospital. He was moved to the rehabilitative ortogeriatric hospital which specializes in exactly these sort of injuries. He's been doing well but he'd like Mom to visit every day and she's not up for it. She needs to rest too! The hardest thing I think for him is that he is a heavy smoker, and can't smoke at all in that hospital - he can't get to the smoking area by himself (it' too long a walk for now) and certainly nurses won't take him. They say he might have to stay in the hospital even up to a month. They say on their webpage that the goal is to rehabilitate so well that the old person regains his mobility level he had before the fall (or better), if at all possible and so can safely return home and active life. Sounds good! But all is up in the air right now as to what, when and so on and so forth.

I myself self haven't slept in 48 hours now. I just lay awake and tossed and turned, did not sleep a wink. I tried to take a nap starting a few hours ago, and I think I catnapped maybe? I feel slightly lighter as if I did. I saw a nurse in my health station who had consulted with my GP, and I'm going to try Tenox which helps in getting to sleep. I've used it before several years ago when I had bad insomnia and then it helped. So we figured to try and start with that. The triage nurse in the phone was very kind and thorough when she interviewed me when I called in first thing in the morning, took at least 15 minutes to speaking to her. Last week I had only slept every other night, and Monday night I didn't sleep at all and had 2 migraine attacks during the day then, with another trying to break through the rest of the evening and last night. I hope Tenox helps! It'd be a lot easier and faster than anything else.

Yesterday in addition to the migraines I had a bad day: I was cold, then hot, then cold, restless, couldn't concentrate on anything, walked back and forth, and my belly hurt due to either having my period or just general Crohn's Disease fuckery or maybe both, I'm still not sure. The hot/cold thing, restlessness etc. is quite often usual now during certain type of my migraine. The bad thing is I was supposed to partake in a job searching course arranged by TE-toimisto which was mandatory once I had agreed to it, so today when I hadn't slept for 40+ hours come morning, I had to contact the health station to get a permission slip/doctor's note to give the unemployment agency. So that's fun. Bureaucracy. But it's a good thing I did it - I managed to participate yesterday because it's a remote course done with MS Teams, but I was walking in front of my laptop and in pain the whole time. And think the properly as I like to do, fill the tasks. I couldn't have dealt with that today at all. So I'm in sick leave today and tomorrow because of insomnia and it making my migraine worse. The course is tomorrow too but the nurse said the important thing now is to cut off the insomnia because sleep is so important but also because the insomnia is aggravating the migraine and that should tried to be cut off, given my history, so I'll miss tomorrow's course too. It's a 3 day course, and I miss 2 days of it.

I'm actually sad about it - it was about the current jobs situation in my area, and current ways of finding a job which I could use an update on considering the last one I had was in 2017. Also about CVs, how to make an effective application for different types of jobs. The teacher still shares the docs with me because I was on for the first day, and there's free personal tutoring available with this course, and he said I'm welcome to contact him when I'm feeling better. So that's nice!

The first friday five questions of the year at Dreamwidth.

1. In what ways do you expect/hope this year to be better than last year?

I don't really hope/expect 2024 to be better per se, but for the first time in 15 years I feel like this year my health problems might stay stable and at the level they are now. All the other years for the last 15 years I've either known the health stuff is going get worse, or have had a doomed feeling. But now I feel like I've reached a stable state and while setbacks and/or new health problems are always possible what with the Crohn's Disease and anemia and all, I don't feel like I'm automatically doomed to get worse.

I'll happily settle this if it does turn out to be a boring year health problems wise!

2. In what ways do you expect/hope this year to be worse than last year?

Personally: financially and bureautically. There are several law changes in the pipeline by the new far-right wing government that will make my living situation worse.

Politically: the far-right wing government is making changes in employment, housing, social and wellfare laws that mean bad things for the unemployed, low wage earners, the sick, the kids, education, health care and more. Basically everyone who is not among the richest 10% are going to suffer in one way or another, and the lower your income, the more you suffer. The right-wing government are attacking on several fronts, and many of their new proposed laws actually are in contradiction of their stated government programme goals. It's being said that the government is effecting a paradigm shift in how Finland views many things, even human rights.

The employee Unions and many research etc. organizations are warning of the effects of the new laws and trying to resist the law changes. It's looking like the country might be heading into the general strike for the first time since 1956.

3. What year would you travel back to if you could?

I'm not sure. Part of me would like to go back to my childhood when everything was carefree - but I'd really actually hate having to go through school again.

On the other hand, I think it'd be best if I went back to 2008 - I could try and get my migraines sorted out so that they don't go chronic and daily. And also to get a breast reduction done then before the onset of Type 2 Diabetes - because I've noticed my wounds don't heal that well anymore so I don't think I'll have it done anymore because of that.

On third hand, if I went back to 1994 May onwards I'd get to be with my Mom's Beagle pup! She counted be as part of her pack and I loved her like crazy.

4. What was your worst year?

2008. That is a divider for me - there is before 2008, and there is after 2008. It isn't actually the worst but it's the watershead of my life. Before 2008 I was healthy with a future, and after I'm not and don't.

The actual fucking worst are the years when I didn't know what the fuck was going on with my bowels and whether I could hope for normal bowel function again some day while suffering from horrible daily headaches and migraine attacks 3 times a week - but that time frame went on for so many years and I can't pin point just one year.

5. What was your best year?

1994-1995. I finished library school, the future was wide open in front of me, full of hope and my Mom got a Beagle puppy who loved me as much as I her. Definitely maybe the best time of my life.

Just a quick note that I'm back from the colonoscopy!The Doctor said my bowels look good, in fact about as good as bowels can look! No signs of early stages of cancer, no signs of inflammation. He took biopsies as well and I'll hear the results of those on December 12. The blood labs taken last week also look good. CRP and Calpro are somewhat elevated, but both have been so for more than a decade now and seem to be normal for me because all my illnesses. (CRP is actually the lab that told the doctors something was going on back in 2008-2012 when I kept showing up complaining about diarrhea that wouldn't go away. Several times I felt like if if hadn't been for that elevated CRP, the doctors might have concluded, after doing tests for many things and all coming back negative, that it might be in my head!) Anyway, those two are something to keep eye on but not to worry about. So far so good!

I rewarded myself with Frezza Choco Loco, croissants and rye bread for getting through the "special diet for a week-empty the bowels-colonoscopy" process again!

Now I'm going to do nothing but idle stuff the rest of the day.