I feel bad about not writing, or rather writing so little. Writing isn’t easy for me, it takes a long time and more energy and so much more creativity than say, making wallpapers, or avatars. I think a thing contributing to this is that English isn’t my native language, and I try to be too careful to say what I mean to say perfectly the first time – instead of just getting it down, and rewriting and tweaking it later. So it takes a lot of energy. For the last couple of years, ever since I started at my last job in February 2007, I haven’t had that energy, or if I have had the energy haven’t had the creativity. At first the job was so bad and stressfull, and two months after that ended all that health problems/stuff I’ve been writing in my Livejournal started, and is still going on as I write this. I fell out of writing habit.
In case you’ve been wondering why I can keep capping as normal with all this health stuff going on – capping demands very little; uploading is by far the worst part, and even that doesn’t need much effrot. And weeding out the bad caps, even though I hate doing it because it’s boring, is so routine, there’s no thinking involved. So that’s why I’ve been managing capping normally, and wallpapers/avatars almost normally.
Now that things are looking a little better, I hope I can get back to that habit – I miss writing, and I’m writing in my head all the time, every day. It’d be great if there were a device that could read my thoughts and put them on paper but there’s not, so just have to do it hard way…
It doesn’t help that I dread writing Todd – not so much because I don’t think I can write him, but because I haven’t written a canon character other than Ardeth Bay in more than 7 years, I think. I don’t remember dreading writing Ardeth even the first time around. I think Ardeth and The Mummy universe have become my comfort zone, and now I need to write start writing the part with Todd, I’m dreading getting out of that comfort zone. I had no trouble writing in SGA when it was just on OC – granted, there was some direction problems because I didn’t know why she was there and why Todd would want her, but with AKVeronica60′s help, I believe I got that sorted out. So it just remains to write Todd… and I don’t. There’s quite clear in my head, and there’s been times when I’m not tired and feel like I can write… and I don’t. I procrastinate, do anything but write. And I hate that!
Any suggestions as to what to do to brake this rut?
I’d love to try a WC – explanation here – but that’s complicated by my living in the “wrong” time zone for pretty much any fandom real-time online activity. I’m in Finland which makes my time zone GMT+2, and I’m pretty much sleeping when most people I know online are up and vice versa. If you live in a time zone closer to mine, and would like to try a WC out, please e-mail me or leave a reply here.