Answers to today’s questions over at thefridayfive

1. What’s the happiest thing to ever happen to you?

I… don’t know. I can’t think of anything that would fit the “happiest”. Lately I’ve been noticing I’m having problems thinking and feeling positive things, and can’t usully name when I’ve felt an extreme emotion. I was happy to study to be a librarian/library clerk, and I was very happy every time I got a temp job (Because more money! Work I like a lot!) And my Mom’s dog, Caro the Beagle, made me very happy indeed whenever I saw her!

But I can’t name the happiest thing that ever happened to me, and am not sure if that’s because it hasn’t happened to me, or because I think feel/think of one because I’ve been a little depressed for years due all the chronic illnesses and money troubles. On the other hand, I don’t think I’ve ever been one to feel extreme emotions but just always been a pretty steady line emotionally. So I’m not sure… I think, if someone put a gun to my head, I’d say Caro the Beagle. I think she’s probably the closest to the happiest thing that ever happened to me!

2. What’s the saddest thing to ever happen to you?

Either that my Dad died of brain cancer just before my 15th birthday.

Or the narrowness of the life I am able to lead, as result of the chronic illnesses themselves, but also the way they have made me unable to work for 16 years, and the social and financial loss that brings and the bureautic troubles, and that I can’t see no real change to this state of being in foreseeable future. All that is also intertwined with the way this circumstance has resulted in permanent poverty without ease for the last 16 years, with also no change to that in the foreseeable future. The way the chronic illnesses and poverty rules my life and makes my possibilities so narrow makes me feel awfully sad every time I really think about it.

I can’t say which I feel is the saddest thing. I dealt with my Dad’s death decades ago, but I’m grappling every day with the other and so far I haven’t found a way to completely accept that this is my life.

3. What’s the thing that got you the most angry in your life?

Finland’s current far right government and its “destroy the unemployed, the poor and the working man” policies are making me hate them, each minister and party member each and everyone one, both individually and as a group. I’ve never been this angry this long about anything before, but they are making me actually really truly hate them – I’ve never truly hated anyone before, and I don’t like the experience.

4. What’s the most frightening thing to ever happen to you?

This current far right government.

5. What’s the most unbelievable thing to happen to you in your life?

I think it’s kind of unbelievable that somehow I have so many serious chronic illnesses and health problems. I guess I won the “manifest really bad genetics” lottery!